justmythoughts

Reflection.

2009-08-18T16:11:00.000-07:00

I've always wanted to be able to charm with my words, instead I end up researching and listing facts. I can't keep your attention with my inarticulate ramblings, and really, i'm not interesting enough to occupy your time. Even so, I'm going to write my thoughts.
I was thinking about parakeets earlier. Yes, the tiny little birds that amiably pass their time by affectionately pecking at their own reflection in a mirror. They, just like us, can die of a broken heart. If they have experienced love in their life; attention, affection, something outside of themselves...If they have that, and it is taken away, they have nothing left. Nothing except that mirror that used to draw their pleasure and excitement. All of a sudden the mirror doesn't hold the attraction it once did. And what is left except for a broken heart and the deep pit of depression.
The "shiny" things we hold dear, the things of most importance, they can change or be taken away in an instant. What is important in this life? What will future generations remember about us, if anything? Even if we are influential in this life, what does that really matter? Doing right does not guarantee that what is right will be done back. In fact, it quite guarantees that it won't. Why should we look past that shiny mirror? Yes, we may find even more happiness and fulfillment behind that mirror, but in almost every circumstance, it will be so much more painful than if we'd just settled for entertaining ourself with that empty mirror. We could happily spend our days adoring the perpetual mirror, but there is more pain to our existence than that. Why?

bllleeehhh

2009-07-21T16:06:00.000-07:00

I have my 2 pre-op appointments...one in aug and the other at the beginning of sept. I think they both involve more impressions. At least one appointment I have to have impressions. I gag just thinking about it.
I can't wait to be off of work for over a month! I want to go back to school soooo bad. I miss thinking, discussing, writing, talking about and playing music, art...I miss the buildings at rollins, the teachers, the beautiful lake. I look at my old homework and marvel that I was ever that smart.

Only get one life, make the most of it!

What do you think of this haircut for after my surgery?

Pooooooooorrrr Kittty

2009-07-06T16:17:00.000-07:00

KITTY LOVE!!!

Kitty and Puppy love

Before and after pictures of Alfred's haircut. Keep in mind that I shaved him by myself on the concrete outside. I also didn't have scissors to make his head....cute. He's wearing a shirt now...poor kitty, he looks so bad. But no cat hair on stuff!!!
BEFORE....

We started on the table and ended up...everywhere...

A Good Couple of Nights

2009-06-30T19:28:00.000-07:00

Christopher said that he had planned a date for us tonight and wouldn't tell me where we were going or what we were doing. He pretty much doesn't do surprises. At all. Ever.

He took me to the little area on Park Ave that we'd gone to on one of our dates before we got married...

He told me that he loved me and asked me if I would be married to him forever, then he pulled this out of his pocket... (I couldn't get a good picture)

We walked up and down Park Ave, where we saw the UNfriendliest tree EVER!

then we went to Brio for dinner...so good!

Last night Chris made dinner (fish and asparagus) it was much better than it looks :-P

WINE!!!!!!!! I drank most of it!!!!!!

We also traded in our completely loaded and FAST nissan SER for a new SLOW hyundai accent! I love my accent. her name is Mae. Pictures later. :-D

Track them Corgis!!!

2009-05-21T20:03:00.000-07:00

hahaha!!!

http://photoskml.googlepages.com/track.htm

43 days

2009-05-17T17:35:00.000-07:00

till i find out when surgery is...

Chris is all interested in what i'm writing and i'm not letting him read it. I'll just keep typing so he thinks it's something interesting. it's not. we're watching king of the hill. I don't really like that show. oh well. haha booing the canadians.

I want my tax money so I can have my own carrrr....

we had steaks for dinner...mmmmm....

haha he really wants to know what I'm writing. :-D

before and after..

2009-04-17T10:04:00.000-07:00

The kitchen before

The kitchen after

The cat's room before

the cat's room after

The CHARLI!

the living room

after..

staircase before

after..

my bathroom

my shower before

my shower after

stuff in my bathroom...playing with photobucket..

my piano...so purty..

this took forever to do so I better get some comments! heh. Thank you to everyone who came to my housewarming, it was so great to see everyone!!!

Pleated Petal Tank ANTHROPOLIFICATION GIVEAWAY!!!!

2009-04-14T16:36:00.000-07:00

I want this!

Pleated Petal Tank ANTHROPOLIFICATION GIVEAWAY!!!!

I love being a homeowner

2009-03-31T15:19:00.000-07:00

I can smell the grill on the porch cooking some bbq chicken and hear the thunder outside. Charli is watchin tv on the couch and the meat is sizzling. I love it.

My back really hurts. I have to get an MRI to see what's wrong with it and go to physical therapy. mmmm...cadbury eggs.

I'm just glad it's allll workman's comp.

yey; beer.

(no, i'm not drunk...just distractable)

Just blogging

2009-03-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I woke up at 5am to a loud glass-crashing noise after only 5 hours of sleep. I got up, locked my door and called Chris at work to ask if I should go downstairs. I figured the cat had knocked something off of the counter, but it was SO loud. He had winter garden PD come out (they just looked around the outside). I guessed they were gone after I saw flashlights shining in my window. It's just a little more scary since we're backed up to woods that are awesome for hiding in. So, I go downstairs and NOTHING is out of place or broken. Am I going crazy?

I got alot done yesterday since I got up so freakishly early. I took The Charli and the cat to petsmart and gave them a good bath, came home and had breakfast and watched "the stepford wives club" (pretty dumb movie), got my nails done at the AWESOME nail place just down the road in the fowler's grove shopping center, went to target, and went shopping for some home items at TJ maxx...love that store. I got a 10 piece kitchenaid set of non-stick pots and pans with some housewarming money that Chris' parents gave us...it was only $120, usually almost $200. That's something we've BOTH been wanting for a long time.

Chris didn't have to go to work until 10pm so we went to a pizza place in downtown winter garden. I think my mom and tracy would really love downtown winter garden, it's really cute with lots of antique, and other cute little stores that you would find in a historic downtown.

I finished un-packing yesterday!!! it looks like a house, minus the bedroom...chris hasn't had time to un-pack his closets yet. Yes, he gets closetS. Two closets. I have the biggest one though so I definately can't complain. His gun safe takes up about half of one of his closets, it's a monster. But I'm really motivated to learn how to shoot now, yesterday morning kinda scared me. This is the longest blog I've written in a while. I'm hungry now.

Housewarming...

2009-03-17T12:42:00.000-07:00

I want to have our housewarming (is that one or two words?) on April 3rd, a friday...two weeks from this coming friday. I can't have it on a weekend because I work weekends. I hope everyone can come! If you want to come, message me at coreyd1684@yahoo.com and I'll send you our address!

we are winter garden-ians

2009-03-13T10:44:00.001-07:00

We own our own townhouse in Winter Garden now! my work is about...3 minutes away...heck yes. The cat and Rosie share a room and Charli gets the downstairs. Yes, our lives revolve around animals.

Still so much to do! I'm thinking housewarming in about 3 weeks...a friday...we'll see...

GAAHHH!

2009-03-06T11:55:00.000-08:00

There's so much to do! I start packing in one room and get distracted by something in another room, while forgetting what I was originally packing! Do they make medications for that?? I can't wait to be moved!

She's been a BAAAAD dog!

2009-02-27T19:03:00.000-08:00

We is homeOWNERS

2009-02-25T20:42:00.000-08:00

YEEEYYYYYYY!!!!!! now we just gotta paint and get the shower done!

P.S. muscle relaxers rock.

videos of Goat and the Studio (sorry it's sideways)

2009-02-09T14:40:00.000-08:00

don't watch the first one if you're prone to motion sickness :-P

SNOW! It SNOWED on our vacation!

2009-02-09T12:09:00.000-08:00

Look at all the SNOW!!

Poor car!

A pretty lake at the bottom of the hill/mountain we were staying at

The second day we were there, there was ice on the roads and we slid down the hill and crashed into a pole. it completely indented our bumper but when we pulled out the bumper popped back out. This picture was about 10 seconds before we crashed...

the pole we hit

We stayed at the studio and it was beautiful.

It was really beautiful, but at night it did get kind of creepy...I wouldn't go downstairs without Chris at night. There weren't window coverings on the doors and some of the windows and I just felt like I was being watched alot. There were creepy old decorations...The "toilet room" (the toilet and shower were in seperate rooms) was definately the creepiest and I don't know why.
CREEPY BATHROOM~~

There was only a little tv and a few VHS tapes and a radio, so the entertainment was.....books!
Chris being all intellectual

We got to visit the Biltmore and the biltmore village. They don't allow picture taking inside the biltmore though :-( The biltmore had a farm and I caught this guy spying on us
Goat

We had lunch at this little place in the Biltmore village that was aweeessoommmee

This is the cabin that we went to on our family vacation a long time ago...the studio was just up the hill from the cabin.

And you can't be stuck in a cabin without snacks!

Roxy the resident puppy dawg and her frozen squirrel snack

Poor Christmas tree

My souvenir from an antique store

I know your probably sick of pictures but here's just a couple more

So I think we're moving to N.C. I'll work in a little doggie boutiqe in a little town and cook doggie biscuits to sell at work, and my Charli can come to work with me. :)
P.S. Sorry this blog is all over the place but I had fun :-)

2009-02-02T19:14:00.001-08:00

You Are a Carnation

You are down to earth and grounded.

You tend to be more traditional than trendy.

Your confidence gets you through anything.

People trust you and are very loyal to you.

What Flower Are You?

25 things (I tagged people on facebook)

2009-01-30T08:46:00.001-08:00

Rules:
Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1. i'm horrible at these things, but someone actually tagged me so yey :-)

2. I loooooove House. and grey's anatomy...I love reading about medical conditions and looking through my medical books.

3. I go through the apt. occasionally and throw stuff away. I'm not a pack rat.

4. I like my job, hate my boss, and miss my music.

5. I love fashion but I don't like to dress myself up so that people notice me. I feel like they notice me enough because of my face. After my surgery I plan on dressing how I really want.

6. I hate grocery stores because they are so cold (temperature, setup and lighting). I love whole foods.

7. I have always loved animals and don't ever seeing myself having less than 3 at a time.

8. I love Ikea and can't wait to decorate our townhouse.

9. Even though I don't cook very often, I really do love to. When I work less I will be cooking alot more.

10. I loved music theory (I did all required college music theory) because it makes so much sense...it's very logical.

11. Shoes are awesome. I love shoes. and bags. I LOVE bags.

12. I hate cotton shorts. I wish fat people wouldn't wear them.

13. Old books smell so good. and it's just cool knowing someone read them many many years ago.

14. I go through phases where I can't stand coffee, the smell or the taste...and then I love it again. Right now i'm indifferent to it. I drink tea.

15. I love putting bows in cute dogs hair and seeing how much the owners love how cute their dog looks.

16. I like the sound of falling water. it's peaceful.

17. I don't want to live in FL my whole life, and I don't want to wait until I'm old to do the things I want to do.

18. my ears are gauged to 7/16ths of an inch and I love my gauges.

19. I can't wait to get my half sleeve.

20. I've been to the grand canyon. I want to go back.

21. The bachelor is my guilty pleasure. and Chris'
heh.

22. I hate dirty floors. I feel like if the floor needs vaccuumed, everything is dirty.

23. I still have a pumpkin from oct and it hasn't gone bad. superpumpkin

24. As a kid I collected rocks. yes, I was weird. I still love rocks.

25. I didn't want a wedding, I wanted to elope, I don't like attention on me....but I'm glad we had one.

PAIN

2009-01-24T17:40:00.001-08:00

HURTS. I'm so sick of headaches and migraines and pain. this sucks. I wonder how many people would be on disability if they had this much chronic pain. I hope surgery works. if not, just put me to sleep...living like this...is just too hard. I just want to feel normal, medications don't even make me feel "normal" anymore.

To those I haven't been talking to as much, i'm sorry. I work and come home because it's all I can do. I don't ever feel good enough to try to do anything. I'm sorry.

Happy Birthday Hannah <3

2009-01-23T12:01:00.000-08:00

FINALLY

2008-12-18T08:12:00.000-08:00

I'm getting braces today and that will start the process to my surgery...8 to 12 months until surgery. I can't wait to get this all over with. I've only been out of my splint for a week now and am already taking 4 ibuprofen almost everyday again. I found a support group online for people who are going through this process as well and i've read that some people go from being completely withdrawn and quiet to very outgoing. until I have the surgery I know I will be even more withdrawn and tired (from pain) than I am now, but I'm sooo excited for it to be over. I plan on getting a cute haircut after instead of hiding behind my tons of hair. I think i'll get my makeup done too...I won't be so ashamed to have someone look at my face. I am still so angry about all of the pain I'm in because I KNOW it wouldn't be so bad if orthodontist John Smith hadn't slowly and painfully dislocated my jaw. I want to put up a website about him letting people know what he did so that he loses patients. Am I a bad person for wanting that? I apologized to Dr. Gittess for being so panicky when I go there, I don't mean to freak out I know he feels bad for me. alright, gotta get ready to go...

2008-12-16T18:37:00.000-08:00

the townhouse we are in the process of buying is in an awesome area around million dollar houses and about a minute from my work. we were originally going to pay 106 for the house but we ended up at 99,900...the townhouses in the neighborhood that are not foreclosures are going for around the 130's and 140's. a couple years ago they were in the 200's. i don't have good pictures because my camera died but here are a couple
the shower pan has to be replaced because it's leaking into the kitchen and upstairs closet...

living room to back porch

this is the shower that has to be torn out and replaced

and just for fun here's a pic of Chris with a bird on his head

2008-12-01T16:29:00.000-08:00

at what point does life slow down?

My head hurts.

no...energy...

2008-12-01T15:29:00.000-08:00

i'm so tired. always. my doctor has given me vitamins, a B12 shot, and diagnosed me with hypothyroidism....why am i still so freakin tired? I want to go out and do things but I'm too tired.

Why do some people love drama? would I like it if I had energy? All the little girls that i work with get so excited and they stay in situations that cause drama. WHYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Some people are so immature.

we're in the process of buying a townhouse in winter garden. it's in a very nice area, about 30 seconds from my work...it's a forclosed property so it needs a little work, my dad is looking at it tomorrow so we'll see just how much work it needs.
soooo tired...

MY SURGERY WAS APPROVED!!!!!!!! I get braces next week!
sleep.

(I updated my blog jen! :-P )

that's better

2008-11-04T20:48:00.000-08:00

These are a few of my favorite things..

2008-11-04T19:50:00.000-08:00

This is Chris

2008-11-02T12:01:00.001-08:00

This is Chris... Corey's at work but don't worry she gave me permission to do this.

Well Corey started working 45 minutes away in Winter Garden, and it began giving me major stress because 1) I hated for her to have to drive that far to work and 2) That's a whole lot of money just for her to get to work. So I started looking at apartments to rent over there (I say looking, she says obsessing), when I thought "Hmm... why rent again? Maybe we can afford to buy".

So I started looking at cheaper placed when I came across a foreclosed townhouse with the right price tag. So I figured, well this place is going to look horrible inside, but what the hey let's go look at it anyway. So we meet an agent to look at the place, and let me tell you it's just awesome. It needs a fridge and stuff for the windows, but besides that it looks much better than any place I've ever moved into. So we decide that we can definitely afford it, and decide to put an offer on it. Then of course we hear the dreaded news that there are already a few offers on it... and of course they can't tell us what the offers are.

After some more stress and dealing with a couple stupid people, we got approved for financing (and I found out that my credit score is higher than I thought). Later today I'm going over there with Corey's parents for a home inspection/just so they can see it.

Well we haven't heard yet if our offer has been accepted, and to be quite honest I highly doubt it will be. But it is nice to know that even if this one doesn't work out, we can continue to look in confidence.

Ever since we've gotten married I've had this underlying anxious feeling that we just aren't settled. When we do buy a house, even if it's not this one, I think that will help a lot. I also think it helps that Corey is into her career and that she's pretty happy with it. Obviously I'm not at my dream place as far as work is concerned... but that's alright.

We've spent the last several months talking about moving up to the panhandle... but I think we both kind of decided that we didn't want to be that far away from family. So I guess we're stuck here in Central Florida. The place is only a mile or two away from 50... but I swear it's like you drive over a little tiny bridge and all of a sudden you've entered Suburbia USA. All of the neighborhoods make you feel like you're in the middle of Pleasantville... but it's nice, quiet, and there is everything you could possibly want or need within a couple of miles. It's also pretty weird that we're driving down the street and all of a sudden we're going up and down hills.

Anyway... that's all. Later.

Charli loves chris

2008-10-18T17:51:00.002-07:00

2008-10-18T17:51:00.001-07:00

Remembering

2008-10-13T15:53:00.000-07:00

Going through old emails. I got this one sept 13th...one month before she died.

Wellll....ok....I finally got my computer back today so I thought everybody just might wanna here from me. SOOOO many thanks to Mark and my mother who has been keeping the website updated for all. They've been so great in concidering the thousands of people across the world! I love you.
And now for the story:
"The Call" came at around 9:50 p.m. on August 29th, 2006. I was minding my own buisness, crouching about how a hurricane would've been nice to kill just the boredom of my life at this point. lol. so as I'm playing on the computer and chatting on AIM, my cell phone rings - I pick it up and my brains doesn't register as it sounds like a business caller after 9 p.m. she asks for "Hannah Pratt" again and very warely, I'm like" uuuhhh, yeah this is she. who's this." and then I got the completely unexpected response I wasn't expecting....lol. I scrambled through my house, barely able to control my head enough to remember that I should prbably tell my parents who's on the phone. it actually crossed my mind that maybe we shouldn't go because of the storm - but after 0.004149938576-14e seconds it was for sure were were going.
It was a quiet ride up to Gainesville until we we almost on I-95.....where the car I was riding in got a blowout. thank be to GOD that He gave us the forsight to take two cars, just my mom and I climbed into the trailing car and took off - feeling horrible about leaving our men stranded - we got to Shands about midnight on the dot.
from midnight until 6:00 a.m., myself, my dad, mom, brother, and good friend Tracy all sat in a room waiting. by the end of the 6 or so hours, Tracy and I were the only two awake. I'll be posting a couple pictures of the website when I can finally get the uploaded to my computer (in addition to not having the computer, I've had some tehcnial photo difficulties). anyways...at 6:30-ish Tracy got impatient and decided to go use her professional pull to find out what's going on. about 30 seconds later she came running back - THEY TOLD ME TO COME BACK!! IT'S A GO!! So I went into the OR at about 6:30. I didn't realize that the lungs wouldn't get there for another two hours. I'm glad I didn't know that since then I would've worried.
they took great care of me in the OR. thankfully I didn't have to go onto the heart/lung/bypass machine and minimal blood transfusion. obviously I rememeber absolutely NOTHING about this...and you should check out the wesbie for all that. the first thing I remember was waking up the ICU and my feet just wouldn't quit kicking - I acutallly ended up getting the nurse to yell at me tell me to calm down. OF COURSe I didn't because the feet kicking was my way of complaining that I had a severe lack of water , I had a tube down my throat, my hands were tied down, parents nowhere to be seen....and no propsperect of removal solving any of the above problems. I don't know how long it took until even my parents were allowed into see me, but it forever if FELT like from my point of view - probably why the nurse continually lost her temper for the all feetkicking.
After lung transplant, there are 4 total chest tubes that have to stay in to drain all the fluid around the lung capacity. On Friday, Dr. Baz pulled two of my chest tubes, the ventilator tube and kidney tube out. at that point - I was excited - got really happy and in my own igorance figured I'd was home free. (those of you that have been through transplant can just stop laughing at me right now...I am definitely now laughing at myself. HA!)
Shows just how much I know - it's been 2 weeks total and the surprises just keep on coming. I've had 3 bronchs (one the Friday after, one on the Monday after and one yesterday). The first bronch was just to suction out old surgery stuff and was yetesterday's bronch. The Monday bronch was to look for rejection - and so far no rejection!! Thank God!! The remaining chest tubes were cleaned out yesterday and it was discovered that the reason they had stopped draining was because of clots near the top of the tubes. After a good cleaning, the chest tubes are flowing freely again - taking away all the old junk that comes with the mess of post surgery care. They'll keep on trucking untill they decide they're done. Same with the oyxgen. I've been weaned down to barely walking on the treadmill at 0.6 mph for 3 reps - but with 3 1/2 liters of oyxgen instead of 5. It's VERY hard and there are times I just flop down after barely 2 minutes, but I'm doing it. My resting oxgen has come down to 2 1/2 liters from 3 too!
Other comlications I've had were severe abdominal pains for about 4 days. Unable to eat, drink or hardly move she spend the first of "recovery" suffering from medication and post-surgical side effects. I was so thankful it was a prettty common side effect but just took a little more time and energy to fix me than it has other people - nothing majorly problematic though. My stomach is now doing much better.
The other HUGE side effect I went through actually sort of blew up in my face last night. It would hilarious if it didn't have the potential to have been so dangerous. I think I litereally lost my mind. lol. SeriouslY people! I spent all night thinking I was at a party with some very close friends, family and the doctors - 8 hours with all the party energy and no sleep to show for it. What made it worse was that no matter what my dad said, he couldn't convince me there was no body here. It wasn't like I was dancing or anything....in fact I was very irritated that nobody would come jump out and yell surprise, or that they insisted on tying me to the bed, or that they whispered just behind me all night and stuck bucks in a bed I couldn't get out of it. This is the way most of the night went - a little bit of meaness, a little bit of laughing, a little bit of sleep, and me finally snapping at my dad because I just KNEW that there was somebody typing me up. The official cause of this extreme hallucination hasn't been determined, but the high and frequent doses of pain meds immediatley after surgery is the most likely culpriate. With yesterday's bronch, I took a little bit of pain mediciation, but other than that I haven't had any for over 48 hours. The chest tubes are stiff but much more liveable that those recently experienced side effects. Blood lab work will also continue to be taken to adjust the medication to the right dosages.
And that....ladies and gents...brings us VERY QUICKLY up to speed. if you have question please email me, msypace me, AIM me....but understand that can't get back immediately. You can also continue to catch updates at http://www.hannahpratt.com or jonnahproject@juno.com. THank you for all your prayers and support. This is a journey that is like no other and in it's own hugeness it can be daunting - but it's that daunt that creates the beatuy.
Love, Hannah and "Earnesto"

just thought it was funny :-)

2008-10-10T19:22:00.000-07:00

Saturday Night Live - Update Thursday: Debate Open

just an idea

2008-09-22T16:16:00.000-07:00

of how much different and better i will look after surgery!

yoga

2008-09-18T19:04:00.000-07:00

hurts.

ow.

but after only 2 nights of it, i can touch my toes...haven't been able to do that for years.

oww.

just a couple of funny videos

2008-09-17T14:07:00.001-07:00

35 shrimp

2008-09-15T20:35:00.000-07:00

so yummy

not to mention loaded potatoe and hush puppies.

mmmmmm

can't...move...

list...

2008-09-13T19:51:00.000-07:00

birthday list :-P
pretty
more pretty
plugs
more plugs
this
and this

lol i'm greedy this year

animals!

2008-09-09T21:45:00.000-07:00

Chinchilla!

her name is rosie and she's about 2 months old

Also, Elsie loves beds....all of them....even the ones she's too big for

my sporting trim!

and mushrooms

P.S.

2008-08-10T20:27:00.000-07:00

Elsie so cute!

2008-08-10T18:50:00.001-07:00

duck feeding!

2008-08-02T20:49:00.000-07:00

Elsie watching the ducks :-)

Before Jen moved to N.C.

2008-07-18T16:52:00.001-07:00

We had lots of fun!
You're so lucky you'll actually get a winter!!!

Just one

2008-06-12T09:01:00.000-07:00

our wedding pics are done, but we won't be able to get them for a week or two...the photographer sent me a "teaser"

Animals

2008-06-04T17:57:00.000-07:00

Ruben is obviously the new one...I got to name him, so I named him after Peter Paul Rubens...I couldn't name him after one of my favorite artists because a dog named carravaggio, gentileschi, or bernini would be weird.

6 new things

2008-05-29T14:09:00.000-07:00

1) I'm going back to Rollins in the fall (I didn't even have to re-audition, the teachers remembered me and want me to come back).
2) My boss is driving me crazy and keeps putting off sending me to school...I know it's because I'm the best bather she has, but we can't afford for me to keep doing this.
3) I'm taking happy pills, can you tell?
4) The splint is starting to work...the first day that I didn't have pain for a while was...weird. I thought my face was numb or something so I kept poking it.
5) I miss Jesse.
6) We adopted another dog. Yes, we are crazy. He's a great dane mix and he's really cute. Poor Charli (she pretty much doesn't like dogs, just people).

It's too much

2008-04-22T11:33:00.000-07:00

I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm not doing a good job at handling pain anymore...emotional or physical. At every visit to the TMJ specialist, I cry before, during, or after the appointment. That's not me. I cry watching most hospital shows. especially that Grey's Anatomy that the boy with cystic fibrosis died. When I hear of cops or military personel being hurt or killed. People think that i've been strong about Hannah's death and that I still think of God and religion the same way that I did before. to quote Corey Miller; "for some people, they can't get over the loss, it just destroys their mind." I live in fear of losing the ones that I love, particularly Christopher, and for him I don't think he can comprehend my fear. I am so afraid to go to the hospital and for people to say they'll pray for me..Do you know how many people all around the world were praying for Hannah?
I'm not pretending to be ok anymore...I'm not pretending to understand.
I'm not strong.

This one is just entitled "WHOA"

2008-04-21T17:09:00.001-07:00

trying not to be so depressing now...

2008-04-16T08:47:00.001-07:00

Charli being potty trained...it didn't work and she obviously didn't like it

she got out of the collar...

Everyone playing Rock Band

eric rockin it out

Christopher keepin the beat

Jessssaaaaahhhhhhh
(charli was helpin out with the vocals)

Rob...he really has to concentrate

that's all for now blogger isn't working too well...

I almost forgot

2008-04-15T12:31:00.000-07:00

If anyone wants to contribute to the "Corey's jaw is in really bad shape and is going to cost way too much money" fund, please contact me.

2008-04-15T09:28:00.000-07:00

In case you were wondering why I copied and pasted that article, here ya go..

I'm about to go get my jaw splints in a couple hours, I shouldn't have to have them, my orthodontist that caused this should be paying for them. I am extremely afraid of anything having to do with my teeth because of the orthodontist that spent almost 5 years torturing me and ultimately making me think all the pain i've been in for over 7 years was completely normal. the assistant to the orthodontist I will be seeing said I could probably go through labor without drugs and not think much of it since I'm so used to so much pain. I went to meet the orthognathic surgeon a few weeks ago thinking it was just going to be an appointment where he looks at me and tells me what he's going to do...when they said they wanted to take impressions of my mouth I about had a panic attack. lol luckily I was also having a migraine so I had an excuse to reschedule.

So I'm about to go through 2 years of pain...after about 4-5 months of the splints (depending on how much better my jaw joint looks and when the orthodontist won't be afraid of shattering it anymore), I will be in braces for about 8 months, then I will have the surgery...

They're going to cut my upper jaw completely out of my skull (ekrjsalkfj!), take some bone out, and screw it back in. Then they're going to cut my lower jaw and move it forward and screw it back in....he's also doing chin surgery on me but I'm not sure if he's going to cut that bone too or just put an implant in.

Even though the next couple years are going to hurt A LOT I'm really hopeful that afterwards I won't be in so much pain all the time and reliant on medication just to get through the day. I'm also looking forward to looking normal. Some people wonder why I can be so withdrawn and quiet...well...I know I don't look normal at all. I've already told Christopher that after I'm all healed from the surgery I want to spend $100 on makeup...I'm going to buy lipstick that's not a natural shade! I'll finally have a pretty normal smile and people won't look at me like I'm a freak.

I think i'm most scared of being in a hospital and the risk of infection and complications. I just can't wait for it all to be over.

Pain sometimes leads to good

2008-04-12T10:47:00.001-07:00

(this article has been edited and shortened)

The metamorphosis of the caterpillar into the butterfly represents a story of transformation, pain and beauty, all rolled into one `case study'.
(This article is based on the author's book, The Case of the Bonsai Manager, published by Penguin Portfolio this month. The second of a three-part series.)

The word metamorphosis from biology refers to the insect's life cycle, which sees a complete change of body form and appearance. This process is controlled by a balance of hormones. Companies too have `hormones' which control the change processes in the organization.

Life for the butterfly starts as a tiny egg; the adult female lays eggs among leaves that are rich in the nutrients required by the insect. The egg hatches and there emerges a caterpillar, which marks the second stage.

The caterpillar begins to feed and grow. The joints between its body segments distend and this activates hormones. The caterpillar huffs and puffs as its skin splits and the worm-like insect steps out of its skin. It begins eating again, non-stop and without pause until the process is repeated, in all, five times. The animal puts on an enormous amount of weight during these `feasting' sessions. During this time, the insect gains 3,000 times its original hatching weight— the equivalent of a four kg baby becoming 12,000 kg among humans!

In the third stage, it becomes a pupa. To a bird or a lizard, pupae are a convenience food--nicely packaged, immobile, and full of nutrients, like the original energy bar!

Inside the pupa, a remarkable transformation happens during which the caterpillar's cells and tissues rearrange themselves to form the adult butterfly. The wing disks grow the antennae needed to suck up nectar. The simple eye dissolves and in its place a new and complex eye develops. Legs lengthen and add segments.

In stage four, it is almost ready to emerge. Soon this beauty emerges with its delicate and gorgeously covered wings. It is a story of transformation, pain and beauty, all rolled into one `case study.'

If a caterpillar had the brain of a human, would it sign up for the stress of such a painful transformation?

The truth is that knowing what is to be done does not lead to action. Preparedness for pain, courage and motivation to undertake the journeys are all essential before there can be positive action.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

2008-03-23T07:01:00.000-07:00

prettay

2008-03-16T15:10:00.000-07:00

The winter park art festival was pretty coool...lots of very talented artists.

Now i have to go make dinner.

I'm tired

2008-03-14T16:53:00.000-07:00

I got these shoes at this cool little store in sanford that sells vintage clothes and shoes...Apparently my size foot used to be common...sweet.

Speaking of feet, aren't Charli's toenails cute?

And i guess the picture of Renney is just refusing to load...oh welll...

Yey the zoo!

2008-03-10T16:25:00.000-07:00

mmm..fooood

2008-03-05T04:12:00.000-08:00

I love this etsy shop...particularly, this necklace

on monday Christopher and I made dinner together...we had tilapia and fresh asparagus...mmm..

and last night I made Pork chops...i make the best pork chops ever. I know I'm humble. but it's true. we also had cheese biscuits and baked potatoes...real ones. baked in the oven. yummay.

The most original title EVER

2008-02-29T17:40:00.000-08:00

Look what I can do!

We found a home for Napoleon, my manager took him...he's going to a better home...

and look at the suede coach purse that I bought for only $15!!! crazy!!

a picture of my poor and really old phone that seems to be dying a slow death

So this has been the most random post...

de-lurking?

2008-02-21T17:02:00.000-08:00

So i know that my mom, Val, Jen, and Jessica M. read my blog, but does anyone else? leave me a comment and let me know!

While Christopher got his hair cut

2008-02-19T21:08:00.001-08:00

I went to plato's closet and found 2 dresses..
This one was only $8

This one is a BCBG dress that still had the tags on it...If you've ever been in BCBG you know that everything there is around $100, usually a lot more. This one was $10

And here is Charli watching me take pictures of my dresses..

Fun stuff

2008-02-19T20:21:00.001-08:00

So my jaw is in such bad shape that an orthodontist wouldn't even consider putting braces on me or doing the jaw surgery until i'm in a splint 24/7 for at least 5 months....yey.
He seemed mad too...his exact words were "you are way too young to be this disabled."
I also found out when I had braces before that the orthodontist is the one the caused this...maybe that's why this orthodontist is mad?

I got a camera

2008-02-14T18:21:00.000-08:00

So here are some pictures...

A wedding dress on park ave...I was just playing with the script thingy, it doesn't mean anything.

Pickles..

me and Charli

2008-02-11T05:18:00.000-08:00

Here's a video of charli....when Christopher burps it almost looks like it's Charli

Life

2008-02-10T19:04:00.001-08:00

I started at petsmart and I think I'm going to like it alot better than retail. I hated retail. I washed tons of dogs on saturday including the cutest puppy; a bull mastiff. that puppy was bigger than elsie and it's paws were like as big as my hands.

I went to the doctor about a week and a half ago and they wanted to do a general blood test...btw I still have a big bruise from that :(. They found out that I have hypothyroidism. I'll have to take medicine for it everyday for the rest of my life, but that's ok as long as it makes me feel better. I was so relieved that they finally found out something medically wrong with me, because it does explain some of my stomach problems. It also explains why i've always felt like crap...I thought that being tired and feeling weak all the time, and being moody and just trying to control it was just normal...it's not. The emotions after I found out was overwhelming...first i was happy that they finally found out and that it can be controlled with medication...then I cried because of all that time that I felt horrible and that could have been fixed with a simple blood test.

Well, I should go to bed...thanks for listening :P

It's done!

2008-02-03T15:25:00.000-08:00

and I wasn't such a wimp this time!

Where you lead, I will follow...

2008-01-29T13:47:00.000-08:00

I have a really cute shadow...
Charli follows me everywhere I go. If I have to go to the bathroom, she sits in front of the door sometimes scratching at it and crying, if i sit on the couch she falls asleep at my feet. When I take a shower she takes a nap behind the toilet (don't worry I keep it pretty clean). When I do laundry she steals the dryer sheets. When I cook she watches (not begging for food, just watching). As I type she's laying on my foot.

This week Christopher is in school and has had regular hours...going to bed at night is weird. Yesterday and today I actually cooked. Yesterday we had beef burritos with freshly made salsa (yay for magic bullet!), and blackberry cobbler. Today I just made homemade/baked mac and cheese...very yummy. Since I'm STILL waiting on the petsmart job I've been able to relax...slightly. I just feel so bad not working for like the past 2 weeks. It seems even when i get the time to relax I just can't because I feel so bad about the fact that Christopher works so hard and i'm just doing stuff around the apartment. I can't put artwork or jewelry on etsy because I feel like I shouldn't be spending money on supplies (paints and beads and stuff), since I'm not making any money. Plus I can't upload pictures to my computer. A camera is one of the first things i'm going to buy with my...second paycheck. yey.
Here's one of our engagment pictures just for the heck of it.

Pay per post

2008-01-24T12:54:00.000-08:00

I want to do this but I don't know if I get enough profile views to do it...

It only took me a year..

2008-01-20T10:13:00.000-08:00

I finally got a tattoo with Hannah's name and dates. Her name and dates is actually mine, bear just traced what I had but the rest he traced from photographs, I had just done a couple of sketches to give him an idea.
The bigger rose stands for our wedding day, it will be red...that was the only thing I really wanted and spent a little extra money on at our wedding; real roses and rose petals. The other rose will be white; the rose I have from her casket was white and the rose I took to her grave on the year anniversary was white. The butterfly for me is a simple memory of her, I know alot of people were drawn to butterflies after she died because of the transformation that butterflies go through. For me though, I just remember going to her little apartment in gainesville and the only color on that whole building was her butterfly balloon in the window. She'd kept it because it looked like lungs, I always thought it was really cool. If she'd seen me getting a tattoo, she would have laughed and made fun of me so much. I thought it hurt and I still have to go back and get color :(

I don't wanna!

2008-01-20T10:01:00.000-08:00

I've needed to have surgery on my jaw since....welll....a long time. i've been reading alot about it including a couple people's blogs and....I thought....maybe I could do without it. One girl said it was way more painful than childbirth. crap. So I look up the long term effects of severe tmj and it's kinda even worse. Arthritis, not being able to chew, teeth cracking, the migraines will continue. bleh. now I just have to find a doctor, orthodontist, make sure it's all covered under insurance, this isn't going to be fun. but hey, i'll look prettier and be in less pain once it's all over. 6 weeks of not eating is gona suck.

Today

2008-01-18T16:40:00.000-08:00

My mommy called and asked if I wanted to go see the movie 27 dresses....I said Yey! i'm bored and like to see movies and Christopher doesn't! well, that wasn't what I really said but...it was a really cute movie. Thanks Mommy!

A few pictures of our apartment

2008-01-17T19:24:00.001-08:00

This is the purty table that my parents got us for Christmas...

Our Tv stand with my photographs from the grand canyon :)

The clock Jen got us for the wedding shower...it's an hour ahead :P
Christopher thinks i could sell this painting..

My art corner..

And last but not least, Charli and her kitty

Christmas, New Years, and life

2008-01-10T08:13:00.000-08:00

I have to say I think this has been one of the best Christmas' ever. Christopher was off (I had to work Christmas Eve until 6:30 though, bleh), and we were together all day (and night) for 2 days. We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning at his parents house, and I realized why his Christmas budget was so high. They really go all out for Christmas. In the short time that Christopher and I have been together, his whole family has made me feel so welcome and such a part of the family. I really do realize how blessed I am to have awesome in-laws. They have been so good to me and I truly feel like part of the family. not to mention I have the best sister-in-law ever. :) New Year's Christopher had to work so I spent it with my family...you can read about that on my mom's blog.

Next, I haven't told alot of people this so I'll just get it out of the way. I quit school. I could not work and go to school anymore, I have worn myself out doing that. I don't want to go into any more debt for school since by the time I finish we will probably be starting a family. I refuse to send my children to a daycare, I want to raise my children. I didn't say straight out that I wanted to quit school, but Christopher saw how unhappy I was. It took him awhile but finally he told me that he would rather I was happy than we had the option of being pretty well off. I wasn't happy in school and I wouldn't have been happy at the job.

Since I quit school I realized it was my opportunity to get out of the hell that is retail. My last day at franklin covey was last monday, and I'm about to start a job with Petsmart as a dog bather. From what Jesse tells me, I'll have to do that for at least a couple months and then I plan on going to the school that they send you to to become a "petstylist." I know it's going to be a pretty dirty job but I'm really looking forward to it. I'll get to bring Charli along with me to work sometimes which will be fun, and according to Jesse you can make pretty good money once you become a groomer. I think it will be the perfect job for me; animals, working with my hands, animals, not having to dress up, animals, and animals. :D
And here's Charli in her "killer" hoodie :)

One of my Christmas presents!

2007-12-23T11:25:00.000-08:00

Pretty nails!

and a closeup...

HAHA!

2007-12-18T14:49:00.000-08:00

I'm Happy

2007-12-01T20:42:00.000-08:00

The other day I told Christopher that I was happy...it took me like five minutes to convince myself that I could say those two words together. He looked at me like "yea, so?" This is the first time in my life that I am totally happy. It's not that life is perfect or anything, but for the first time I can say that I am truly happy.

This time last year

2007-12-01T16:41:00.000-08:00

The other day my manager was sharing some of his problems with me, which, for some reason made me think of this time last year.
It was my first semester at Rollins, my sister had just gotten married three months earlier, and my parents were off truck driving. I was too skinny from stress, stomach problems, and not having the time to eat healthy. I worked at the church's daycare making very little money, and I was sick constantly. Hannah had just passed away a month and a half before; I was depressed. I was alone without my best friend, my sister, or my parents. I took care of the bills, animals, loads of schoolwork. I had very little time for practicing. My GPA dropped way down from the 3.8 I was used to maintaining. I did some things I regret. But at this time last year I met my husband. We talked online for a week or two, it would have been a week ago last year that we actually met. The oviedo mall was our first date, we met at the bench in front of the movie theater. I was sitting there waiting for him, when I saw a really cute guy coming towards me. I thought it might be him but I wasn't sure. When I realized it was him, he was too good to be true and I thought he would never like me. Coffee turned into dinner which turned into hanging out in the parking lot. About a week and a half later, hanging out turned into a relationship. 6 months later, an engagement. 11 months; a marriage.
Looking back, I can't believe how much has changed. I'm not alone anymore. I have the most wonderful husband anyone could ask for. In less than a year, my life has completely turned around. I'm so thankful.
I love you Christopher!

2007-11-20T09:00:00.000-08:00

I'm not really sure what all to write, I'll post pictures of the wedding when we get the disc from the photographer.
The wedding was really nice, I'll admit I don't remember alot of it even though I wasn't that nervous...at that point I was pretty much just tired. I think my nerves had reached the shot point the night before at the rehearsal.
The chapel and multi purpose room turned out so pretty, thanks so much to everyone that helped.
Everything was going so good, all of us girls were putting on our makeup in no hurry...then when I put my dress on, the hook popped and we had to improvise with a safety pin. Oh well, every wedding has to start a few minutes late.
The reception turned out awesome, the food was so good...thank you to everyone who brought food!!!
For our honeymoon we went to the disney caribbean resort for 2 nights and had a great time, we went to Shula's steakhouse at the dolphin resort and had the best food ever...I had my "just married" pin on my wristlet which was sitting on the table and the waiter saw it so they gave us free cake! it was so good and chocolatey lol. we got back home on monday night and then we both worked all week and hardly saw each other :(...this week has been better though, we went to disney again on sunday for my birthday and then we'll get to spend tomorrow and thanksgiving together.
well, this is long sorry....
I'll post pics when i get them!

Yey!

2007-11-01T04:13:00.000-07:00

So there are only 9 days left till I become Mrs. Sartwell...So exciting! :)
We got Charli on monday and she is the cutest thing...Elsie is scared to death of her and Spanky hates her, but she's so sweet. She's really smart, she knew her name after about the first day and she's learning to go potty outside. She likes to play in her water dish but then when her feet are wet she slips and falls.
Corgis are herding dogs and it's really cute when she tries to herd people or elsie around...we just have to teach her not to bite at people's ankles. Sorry if this is a boring post, it's just too early for me :).
yey! bachelorette party on sunday, yey!

Yey! Punkin!

2007-10-21T21:20:00.001-07:00

2007-10-16T20:14:00.000-07:00

Tonight Christopher had an off duty detail from 10pm to 3am, so we got subway and ate off the trunk of his car. It was nice...

I got a pair of shoes for work in the mail, I need another size, have to return them but I'm not going to until I get the other size in case I have to return those too.

My nails have 4 different colors on them because I have to get my dress altered again tomorrow and I wanna see what color will look the purtiest with the dress.

My mom and I get to see Charli tomorrow, so exciting. :)

10/13..

2007-10-13T18:48:00.000-07:00

It's been a year since I got the call telling me that Hannah had died. A year since I had to call other people and let them know what had happened. It's all a blur, but at the same time so completely vivid. It seems so long ago, yet it feels like yesterday. I'm not lying when I say I think of her every single day...I have so many things that remind me of her, so much history with her that even if I wanted to, I couldn't go a day without thinking of her and missing her. She was the constant friend through my teen years, other friends came and went but she was always there. Hers was the deepest friendship that I'd ever had. We prayed, studied, had fights, shopped, drank coffee, made jewelry, and watched gilmore girls together. we disagreed on a few things but we still accepted each other. I miss her so much. I wish Christopher could have known her, I wish she could be at my wedding..I wish I could have watched her get married. Hannah, you were so loved by so many people...
01/23/82-10/13/06

Think for a second...

2007-10-13T18:47:00.000-07:00

I just need to rant a little bit...

Sometimes people just don't think of what the consequences could be.

This big new story with the Eric Montanez kid feeding the homeless is ridiculous...Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with soup kitchens or even handing out a few McDonalds gift cards to the homeless, I think that's awesome...But what these people are doing is downright stupid. They're encouraging people of whom a large percentage have committed a crime (and yes I know there are some stand up people who just haven't had any luck), to gather in a setting that families with small children often visit. It's just a matter of time before fights break out, cops have to get involved, and somebody is shot or stabbed. Being the fiancee of a police officer, I don't think creating situations that could escalate in a cop being hurt in the line of duty because some kid wasn't thinking about the consequences of his actions, is right. People stand up for the homeless while sneering at the law and law enforcement officers who are treated with disrespect day in and day out and this just baffles me. People need to get their priorities in order.

32 days

2007-10-07T22:41:00.000-07:00

yeyy!!
and here's another picture of Charli!

46 days

2007-09-24T11:19:00.000-07:00

I can't wait to be able to come home to Christopher at night...

2007-09-22T22:11:00.000-07:00

Charli at 3 weeks old...

We got a couch today! yey!! finally, we don't have to sit together on one chair while trying to have dinner!

Spanky goes nuts at night and chases stuff that's not there...she's weird.

It's Almost October..

2007-09-19T21:27:00.000-07:00

Only 50 days left till the wedding (honeymoon) and too much to do.
I've been so stressed lately, everyday is usually full, or i have scheduled myself to do homework. Today, after my psychology class I had scheduled myself to spend the rest of the day doing psychology and medical terminology homework, but guess what I did? I watched two gilmore girl episodes and took a nice nap. It was awesome. and you can't make me feel guilty for it! lol. I'll make up for it on sunday :(.
we get Charli in 5 weeks and 3 days...

Give me fall and winter!!!

2007-09-05T13:11:00.000-07:00

I hate FL...I want to see real fall...with the pretty leaves, cool air, sweaters, pretty leaves, cold air....
I hate wearing tank tops, I never wear shorts...I want fall and winter for at least half the year! no more 12 month summers!! I wanna wear sweaters and coats and boots and drink hot coffee on cold gray days...not in the air conditioning when it's 101 degrees outside with a heat index of 110....
and the tourist! and the old drivers who think it's fun to go 25 miles under the speed limit in the fast lane! Can you tell I don't like FL???

2007-09-03T16:29:00.000-07:00

This is our new baby, her name is Charli after the jazz saxamaphonist Charlie Parker.
I always always wanted a welsh corgi and now we're getting a perfect little purebred runt. happy happy day!!

What I want out of life

2007-08-27T12:45:00.000-07:00

I want to finish school...not for me but for everybody else. People who don't finish school in this world are seen as failures. I don't want to be seen that way, I want to be able to go into a respectable career. but a career isn't my goal.
The hardest and in my eyes the most respectable career to choose is being a good wife and full time mother. That is all I really want out of life. I don't want to be rich, have lots of material things, or so busy that everyone is impressed by the load I can carry. Most people would look at what I want and turn their nose up at me because I want the traditional role so badly. I respect good mother's so much more than people who have PHD's and make loads of money every year. Some people think that women who stay home with their children are lazy, and yes, some of them are, but the ones who put their heart and soul into their family are the most amazing people on the face of the earth. I want to be a cook, a maid, an accountant, a chouffer, a tutor, I want to be a mother.

2007-08-25T17:59:00.001-07:00

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ISTP)

Your personality type is reserved, methodical, spirited, and intense.

Only about 6% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 8% of all men

You are Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

2007-08-23T21:02:00.001-07:00

Anyone want a guinea pig? He comes with everything he needs!

2007-08-23T12:35:00.001-07:00

Yey for adding stuff to the target wedding registry!!!

2007-08-22T18:41:00.001-07:00

Every time I clean my desk off, I think...OOH! space to do some art project. And then my desk is immediately messy again. Earlier this week it was my wedding jewelry...isn't it pretty??

2007-08-22T17:40:00.000-07:00

This is the rose from Hannah's casket...I put it in a shadow box to protect it. In 9 days it will mark the day she went into the hospital for her transplant. I still don't understand why it happened...If anyone deserved to enjoy life it was her. I still miss her more than I can express.

89 days

2007-08-13T09:36:00.000-07:00

til the wedding...holy cow where does the time go?
I already have

1) the prettiest wedding dress ever
2) the honeymoon dress (who knew?)
3) the invitations
4) the registry
5) the location
6) some decorations and the cake stand

Yes, it's awesome that I started working for a time management company right before we got engaged...otherwise, all this stuff would have waited till the night before...hehe

here's my honeymoon dress
http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=240428&CategoryID=19265&LinkType=EverGreen

but Christopher said we have to check into the hotel in our wedding clothes so everyone will say "Awww" to us...hmmm

2007-07-21T08:24:00.001-07:00

Sooo...

I've changed schools 3 times before, but never have I changed my major. I have always been a music major. Since I was a freshman in high school that has been my plan. Everyone knew me as a pianist, sometimes that's all they knew me as. I used to love music, I used to play very impressive huge music and i loved it. I memorized around 45 minutes worth of music a semester, which translates into about 50 pages or more of music. On top of the required czerny, scales (in thirds, tenths), arpeggios and other various exercises. I had to choose between music and having some kind of a life on many occasions, usually I chose music, and on the occasion that i didn't, i heard about it from my teachers. I spent countless hours alone in practice rooms and at home on my piano. and for what? what could i do with that? Run around to different little jobs that individually did not pay well, had no security, and that would not make me happy? I saw one of my teachers do this. He ran himself ragged, rarely having an hour to himself just to rest. I don't want to do that. I don't love music anymore. I don't want to teach.
I had shared this with Hannah about 2 years ago. I wanted to switch my major to nursing. But I was too scared to do it, I thought I would regret it. and at that point I still loved music and liked being known as a pretty talented pianist. I thought people would be disappointed in me giving up on music. I don't care anymore. Christopher supports me, my parents support me, everyone that i have discussed this with support me.
A few people's first response is, does Hannah's death have something to do with this? I can't say no. The fact is, at this point alot of my decisions are based on my perspective on life which changed so much on october 13th. But on the other hand it is not based entirely on that by any means. I have the courage now to say that i don't want to continue in music, I want to become an R.N.
I will be getting my degree from SCC. I am still afraid of failure but I'm more afraid of not trying.

2007-07-15T19:54:00.000-07:00

So my life is about to completely change....marriage, career, school....everything....eegad. Can i have a vacation first? haha..vacation, what's that??

2007-07-09T19:16:00.000-07:00

123 days till the honeymoon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
....I mean...uh....the wedding. heh.

2007-07-08T20:33:00.000-07:00

This one's for Jenn!!!
Yey! I didn't think anyone read my blog!
Love ya Jenn!
:P

2007-06-29T12:49:00.001-07:00

Charlie the Unicorn

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I'm pretty sure I have the laziest cat ever.

2007-06-17T19:42:00.000-07:00