It's too much
I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm not doing a good job at handling pain anymore...emotional or physical. At every visit to the TMJ specialist, I cry before, during, or after the appointment. That's not me. I cry watching most hospital shows. especially that Grey's Anatomy that the boy with cystic fibrosis died. When I hear of cops or military personel being hurt or killed. People think that i've been strong about Hannah's death and that I still think of God and religion the same way that I did before. to quote Corey Miller; "for some people, they can't get over the loss, it just destroys their mind." I live in fear of losing the ones that I love, particularly Christopher, and for him I don't think he can comprehend my fear. I am so afraid to go to the hospital and for people to say they'll pray for me..Do you know how many people all around the world were praying for Hannah?
I'm not pretending to be ok anymore...I'm not pretending to understand.
I'm not strong.
I'm not pretending to be ok anymore...I'm not pretending to understand.
I'm not strong.
posted by Corey at
11:33
2 Comments:
I don't know what to say except I wish I could take away your pain and fear. I love you and I will never ever stop praying for you!!!!!!!
love u, mom
I had trouble with that episode of Greys Anatomy too.
My best friend died of CF when she was in her 20's. She called me a few hours before she died to give me a pep talk. She said she knew I would miss her, but not to be sad. She was going to be with Jesus and would finally know what it was like to be able to breathe and to be pain free; and that we'd see each other again one day. Writing about it, I still cry, but I've gotten over the sadness, knowing that I was grieving for myself and missing her, rather than the fact she died.
I know lots of people were praying for her, (just as they were for my little friend Ellie,) and its easy to get mad at God and shake my fist at him and say"Why didn't you answer my prayer?" But I've seen how time and time again, God has taken the terrible and painful things in my life, and blessed me and others through them. As time goes by, he gives you glimpses of the bigger picture.
I'll be praying for you...its a hard walk.
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