I've changed schools 3 times before, but never have I changed my major. I have always been a music major. Since I was a freshman in high school that has been my plan. Everyone knew me as a pianist, sometimes that's all they knew me as. I used to love music, I used to play very impressive huge music and i loved it. I memorized around 45 minutes worth of music a semester, which translates into about 50 pages or more of music. On top of the required czerny, scales (in thirds, tenths), arpeggios and other various exercises. I had to choose between music and having some kind of a life on many occasions, usually I chose music, and on the occasion that i didn't, i heard about it from my teachers. I spent countless hours alone in practice rooms and at home on my piano. and for what? what could i do with that? Run around to different little jobs that individually did not pay well, had no security, and that would not make me happy? I saw one of my teachers do this. He ran himself ragged, rarely having an hour to himself just to rest. I don't want to do that. I don't love music anymore. I don't want to teach.
I had shared this with Hannah about 2 years ago. I wanted to switch my major to nursing. But I was too scared to do it, I thought I would regret it. and at that point I still loved music and liked being known as a pretty talented pianist. I thought people would be disappointed in me giving up on music. I don't care anymore. Christopher supports me, my parents support me, everyone that i have discussed this with support me.
A few people's first response is, does Hannah's death have something to do with this? I can't say no. The fact is, at this point alot of my decisions are based on my perspective on life which changed so much on october 13th. But on the other hand it is not based entirely on that by any means. I have the courage now to say that i don't want to continue in music, I want to become an R.N.
I will be getting my degree from SCC. I am still afraid of failure but I'm more afraid of not trying.