Tuesday, April 22, 2008

It's too much

I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm not doing a good job at handling pain anymore...emotional or physical. At every visit to the TMJ specialist, I cry before, during, or after the appointment. That's not me. I cry watching most hospital shows. especially that Grey's Anatomy that the boy with cystic fibrosis died. When I hear of cops or military personel being hurt or killed. People think that i've been strong about Hannah's death and that I still think of God and religion the same way that I did before. to quote Corey Miller; "for some people, they can't get over the loss, it just destroys their mind." I live in fear of losing the ones that I love, particularly Christopher, and for him I don't think he can comprehend my fear. I am so afraid to go to the hospital and for people to say they'll pray for me..Do you know how many people all around the world were praying for Hannah?
I'm not pretending to be ok anymore...I'm not pretending to understand.
I'm not strong.

Monday, April 21, 2008

This one is just entitled "WHOA"

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

trying not to be so depressing now...

Charli being potty trained...it didn't work and she obviously didn't like it

she got out of the collar...

Everyone playing Rock Band

eric rockin it out

Christopher keepin the beat

(charli was helpin out with the vocals)

Rob...he really has to concentrate

that's all for now blogger isn't working too well...

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I almost forgot

If anyone wants to contribute to the "Corey's jaw is in really bad shape and is going to cost way too much money" fund, please contact me.
In case you were wondering why I copied and pasted that article, here ya go..

I'm about to go get my jaw splints in a couple hours, I shouldn't have to have them, my orthodontist that caused this should be paying for them. I am extremely afraid of anything having to do with my teeth because of the orthodontist that spent almost 5 years torturing me and ultimately making me think all the pain i've been in for over 7 years was completely normal. the assistant to the orthodontist I will be seeing said I could probably go through labor without drugs and not think much of it since I'm so used to so much pain. I went to meet the orthognathic surgeon a few weeks ago thinking it was just going to be an appointment where he looks at me and tells me what he's going to do...when they said they wanted to take impressions of my mouth I about had a panic attack. lol luckily I was also having a migraine so I had an excuse to reschedule.

So I'm about to go through 2 years of pain...after about 4-5 months of the splints (depending on how much better my jaw joint looks and when the orthodontist won't be afraid of shattering it anymore), I will be in braces for about 8 months, then I will have the surgery...

They're going to cut my upper jaw completely out of my skull (ekrjsalkfj!), take some bone out, and screw it back in. Then they're going to cut my lower jaw and move it forward and screw it back in....he's also doing chin surgery on me but I'm not sure if he's going to cut that bone too or just put an implant in.

Even though the next couple years are going to hurt A LOT I'm really hopeful that afterwards I won't be in so much pain all the time and reliant on medication just to get through the day. I'm also looking forward to looking normal. Some people wonder why I can be so withdrawn and quiet...well...I know I don't look normal at all. I've already told Christopher that after I'm all healed from the surgery I want to spend $100 on makeup...I'm going to buy lipstick that's not a natural shade! I'll finally have a pretty normal smile and people won't look at me like I'm a freak.

I think i'm most scared of being in a hospital and the risk of infection and complications. I just can't wait for it all to be over.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Pain sometimes leads to good

(this article has been edited and shortened)

The metamorphosis of the caterpillar into the butterfly represents a story of transformation, pain and beauty, all rolled into one `case study'.
(This article is based on the author's book, The Case of the Bonsai Manager, published by Penguin Portfolio this month. The second of a three-part series.)

The word metamorphosis from biology refers to the insect's life cycle, which sees a complete change of body form and appearance. This process is controlled by a balance of hormones. Companies too have `hormones' which control the change processes in the organization.

Life for the butterfly starts as a tiny egg; the adult female lays eggs among leaves that are rich in the nutrients required by the insect. The egg hatches and there emerges a caterpillar, which marks the second stage.

The caterpillar begins to feed and grow. The joints between its body segments distend and this activates hormones. The caterpillar huffs and puffs as its skin splits and the worm-like insect steps out of its skin. It begins eating again, non-stop and without pause until the process is repeated, in all, five times. The animal puts on an enormous amount of weight during these `feasting' sessions. During this time, the insect gains 3,000 times its original hatching weight— the equivalent of a four kg baby becoming 12,000 kg among humans!

In the third stage, it becomes a pupa. To a bird or a lizard, pupae are a convenience food--nicely packaged, immobile, and full of nutrients, like the original energy bar!

Inside the pupa, a remarkable transformation happens during which the caterpillar's cells and tissues rearrange themselves to form the adult butterfly. The wing disks grow the antennae needed to suck up nectar. The simple eye dissolves and in its place a new and complex eye develops. Legs lengthen and add segments.

In stage four, it is almost ready to emerge. Soon this beauty emerges with its delicate and gorgeously covered wings. It is a story of transformation, pain and beauty, all rolled into one `case study.'

If a caterpillar had the brain of a human, would it sign up for the stress of such a painful transformation?

The truth is that knowing what is to be done does not lead to action. Preparedness for pain, courage and motivation to undertake the journeys are all essential before there can be positive action.